There is a God After All

If you would have told me years ago that I would someday light up like it was christmas morning for a bench for our entryway like I did last night I well- I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have believed you and I probably would have had a few choice words for you. Just keeping it real. You see bungee jumping, backpacking and hitchhiking 170 miles and driving from Alaska to Oregon and staying in hostels (more then I can count) is a far cry from playing twister and hide and seek with the kiddos. Here is the mind blowing thing- NOTHING compares to any adventure that I have ever had then the blessing of raising a family with the hubs. The me back then would have never said a churchy thing like "blessing".

Being raised as a Christian, somewhere along the line, I became convinced that I had been brainwashed. You know like in the movies. Picture someone in a chair, some weird cartoons and indescribable phrases inadvertently signaling their brain and filling it with mindless jargon. Oh yeah and some drool. Don't remember any of those things happening but I was sure that the only reason I was a Christian was because I had been "forced" to love Jesus...well...maybe minus the drool. This perfect person who could never sin and had to always repent and feel guilty was not something I could do (I later found out I had that a little backwards. Maybe a lot backwards). So I decided to not care. I decided to NOT love Jesus. Yep. Walked away. DESPISED religion, the church, and would literally cross off or black out any word that had to do with G O D.  Can you handle that? This isn't about running away from a loving family or stents in rehab. This isn't about being admitted to a children's home at the age of 15 or dropping out of high school. This isn't about the drug use or waking up next to a dumpster after "using".  This is about an entry way bench remember? lol

Seriously though, it's rather wretched to look back and re-visit this dark phase in my life but how else would I be able to see how God swooped me out from the pit and literally saved me (mostly from myself)? He didn't give up on me even when I so wanted Him to and it had nothing to do with what I deserved or didn't deserve. After all, He is in the business of RESTORING and LAVISHING GRACE. Yep. He is that cool.