Parenting, BS, & Grace

Recently, I read a blog about no BS friendships and it rang so true to me. As women, as wives, as moms and whatever hats we may be wearing, we.... I ...don't have time for BS. On top of the PILES of daily to do's, we don't have time to care if our house is clean when a friend comes over (if we let a friend come over). It's not stuck-up to be hermits and have pj days with our children. To let them crawl out of bed with their Tina Turner hair and let them just BE without a clock around their neck and without a clock around ours. To be in the moment even if it means letting the house go for one more week day.

We may not call back right away. We read a text and forget to right back. We write "right" instead of "write". In certain seasons, we are so engulfed in schedule and life and at times just keeping afloat that we are too busy for cultivating deep relationships even if we do want them and that is O.K. We don't have time to care wether you think our child should not be eating mac and cheese for lunch for the zillionth time. We don't have time to compare as to why you look like you have it more together than we do or why seeing your well behaved children next to ours make our kids look like the purple minions from Despicable Me 2... so you must be a better mom right? Because bottom line- it's exhausting.

SOOOO sometimes social interaction throughout the cray cray, especially when we are raising awesome humans, may simply be "liking" the latest photo of you with a coffee cup in hand, celebrating with you a seemingly chill moment that you got to yourself (what the pic may not show is that you still have a small pint size human attached to your leg or calling in the background to help you wipe their tush). Regardless, somehow I feel connected to you and a part of what is going on in the grown-up world even if it is in fact through cyber space. 

Let's lavish each other with grace. Let's encourage each other rather than pretend that we don't have hard days too. If it's one thing I've figured out from being a mom of three is that it keeps me humbled. Whenever I think that I've got this parenting thing down and they are on a schedule and there are no power struggles and we went to the store five times in a row without someone saying "IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL"....well...very quickly, I'm humbled once again. 

Mommy Truths: How you know you have a toddler

*  Being a mom with a toddler is "like having a blender without a lid" as pinterest so eloquently stated. Dang it. At times, I have to agree. BUT having a toddler is SO much more. They are full of life and wonder are constantly full of surprises.

*  You know you are a parent to a toddler when you have said "use your words" so many times in a day that you accidentally catch yourself saying it to an adult and better yet your spouse. Oops.

*  If little sticky fingers hand you wrappers, gum, jackets, cups, bugs, backpacks, broken toys, snotty tissue or tissue with other residue on it, ....you are a human trash can mama. And then two seconds later turn around for snuggles, high fives, tickles, thumbs ups, blown kisses, "presents", pictures of their scribbles and masterpieces, and their little hand to pray =)

*  When everything out of your mouth is taken literally. "Ruby you crack me up!" "But mommmmmmmyyyyy! I didn't break you into a bunch of pieces!"Or when those adorable responses turn into a somewhat embarrassing moment... Me to a friend: "I can't wait to spoil her!" (referring to her soon to be baby girl). Cute adorable literal toddler then becomes nearly hysterical: "Mommy!!!!!!!! You can't!!!!! You can't BOIL her!" Even after an explanation, apparently spoil and boil are the same thing. Good to know.

*  You know you are a parent to multiple kiddos when going to the bathroom is a license for the kids to bicker. And here you are sitting on the john (to which I imagine my toddler's response would be "Why are you sitting on Daddy?????") disciplining through the door...."Be nice to your sister!" But that just happens to other people.

*  A toddler having a fit (I call it being passionate) is a small glimpse at what I must look like to God at times. I had one right along with my 3 yr old the other day. We both shed a few tears together after a rough morning which thankfully is few and far between. Even if it's just down in my heart, how often do I have an adult "tantrum" of my own? When I dig my heels in and refuse to do what He asks because "I can do it". May I extend to my girls the same grace that He gives me. For their I- WANT- TO- DO -IT- MY- OWN- WAY moments.

* And last but not least, you know you are a mom to a toddler when you don't want to admit that your little one is no longer considered a toddler at all! Welcome to being a mom of a preschooler.

In a blink: A letter to my daughter & capturing her faves each school year

My Dearest Daughter-

My how you have grown. Your inward beauty, your determiniation, your creativity, your attention to detail, your let's play chase and tickle each other side and let's see how to push mommy's buttons stubborn side, your crazy love and natural ability of sports and your artistic eye, your imagination and let's build a house for fairies and let's make daddy's car into a bat-mobile side and your logical black and white side. Your ability to make something out of nothing, your excitement of learning and school, your organized let's create a pattern and do everything like so side (like making check lists for drawings- "Draw the leaves- check, draw the flower- check...") and your caution to the wind/scribble side, your let's clean everything perfectly side and let's get messy side. Your big sisterly protection and teachers' heart with your little sisters. Your leadership. Your HEART. I see YOU.

I Love You A Million Horses Nevarooni-

Mommy

 

 

Growth in pictures: Part Three

You can catch up on miss J Part One and Part Two. Eventually I promise to re-name them so they make more sense with her weeks/age but right now I'm just stoked to be able to weekly record what's going on even with the piles and piles of clean/dirty/clean laundry of three little busy girlies....that for now, can wait another day =)

What to expect post-baby: little truths I never knew

Nevaeh Aubrey July 6, 2006

Becoming a mama rocked my world. It is by far the BEST thing that has ever happened (besides falling in love with Jesus & marrying my sweetheart of course). But I have to say it was not the natural process that I thought it was going to be where my maternal instincts just automatically kicked in and I magically knew exactly what to do in every situation. At times, I felt like a fish out of water and very alone in that feeling. The goal of this post is not to pigoen-hole mothering experiences but merely empower other mamas in the ups and downs of the journey. There were so many moments where I wondered "Why didn't anyone ever tell me?????" These are a few things I would have filled my pre-mama self in on....

* Your Body: your tummy will feel like jello for awhile. It is NORMAL (although it doesn't feel normal). Make a batch of jello while your at it. Maybe you can eat it while you nurse? Hey, you need the extra calories right?

On a delicate note, jean shopping within the first month post-baby will bring on unnecessary tears. Not worth it. Give yourself and your body (and your emotions) a break and sport your comfiest stretchy pants and give yourself some credit. Your tummy was JUST the size of a watermelon. And we're not talking about the mini cute watermelons. You are a rockstar mama.

* Leaving the house: because we all know that when you finally manage to get out of the house, the very exact moment you are ready to leave & you buckle that cute little seat belt on your cute little angel who is in their cute little outfit, your little angel is going to, well, poop. Truth: leaving the house is your baby's innate cue to fill their diaper. Trust me on this. So bring extra clothes for the up-the-back times when you are out shopping & an extra top for you (it's easy to keep a spare in the car) because nothing says being a new mom like having throw up on your shoulder and poo on the front of your shirt. You are a rockstar mama.

Side note: You also know you are a new mama when your baby pees on your shirt & you simply throw it in the dryer because you don't have time to wash it before heading out the door. Besides it's not like you have perfect fitting tops! New mama fail.

* Snaps: Yep. They get their own category. Ha ha. Snaps are a mother's worst enemy. Maybe that is a little extreme but I guarentee that when you are half asleep, stumbling (quietly) into the nursery, putting together snaps on a onesie that are placed in the shape of a trapezoid is going to feel like doing the rubik's cube in the dark. So if it is more then 3 cute little nifty snaps, buy the zipper version instead! Best invention ever for quick diaper changes. You are a rockstar mama.

* Sleep: This is the area I was probably the most unprepared for. Ok. This WAS the area I was the most unprepared for. You hear that newborns wake up every few hours to feed ("my baby isn't going to REALLY wake up that often to eat...right?") you envision what that may look like but to actually have such a interrupted sleep pattern is nothing short of nutty. And at times you may feel that way!!!! "Wait did I shave both legs or one? Did I wash the conditioner out of my hair? Did I just put our milk in the pantry instead of the fridge? Where are my keys???" (I say that one all the time without being sleep deprived!). You are a rockstar mama.

* Emotions: your heart may explode with all the crazy love you experience when you see your little alien baby for the very first time. The love and bond you will have is the most beautiful thing on earth. Mind blown. At the same time, after sleepless nights and ups and downs, you may feel like you are on a roller coaster of emotions. Am I doing this right? "No one ever told me....". You can do this. You are a rockstar mama.

* Baby blues: How can you feel bummed when you are holding such a little miracle? For starters you are not a bad mama or a bad person for feeling this way (Studies say 80% of mamas experience it)! You are not alone. I so remember at times not knowing to do anything else but cry right along with my newborn. It happens and it's important to talk it out & have a support system. You are a rockstar mama.

* Boobies: They get huge. When they are not engorged (ouch), enjoy them- your hubby sure will. TMI? But seriously they will go back to a normal size...eventually. Which leads to my next topic....

* Breastfeeding: Moooooo. Sorry couldn't resist. At times it may feel like that, especially if your little one has a strong sucking reflex. And if a nurse tells you that when your baby latches "correctly" then it SHOULDN'T HURT AT ALL, gently call her on her BS and get to know what feels right for you and your munchkin. Whether they are light sucklers, a barracuda, or a Purana, each mama is going to have different levels of sensitivity. (I had to pump exclusively for nearly the first year with my oldest after the first week. Fortunately, my two other little ones were able to breastfeed successfully as newborns as well as bottle feed for medical reasons). You are a rockstar mama.

Also, whether you had planned to bottle feed since day one or breastfeeding didn't work out despite you and your bambino's best attempts, You are a rockstar mama.

* Advice: Yes it's great to hear the latest swaddling technique & how to rock your baby to sleep in 10 easy steps or to "sleep when the baby does", but it's important to take what works and gently leave behind what doesn't. That's the hard part. It's way too easy to look at the other mama who's baby doesn't have colic and who sleeps through the night at 4 months and wonder what you are doing wrong.

Likewise, it's also way too easy to cast judgement on other mamas "well at least my baby doesn't ______fill in the blank)" so you can pat yourself on the back because you have this new mama thing down right? As women we have the ability to build each other up or tear each other down. Your baby may not be doing a, b, or c now but maybe when they are two years old, they are the ones crushing cheerios into the carpet and jumping off furniture and you are going to wish you had that mommy friend's support on those off-days or crazy phases. So lets TRY, attempt, to be real with one another about how awesome, rewarding, mind blowing, comical, and at times batty this thing called mothering is. Hopefully this is a start =)

Because you truly are a rockstar mama.

Growth in pictures: Part Two

Missed out on Part One? Hasn't she grown so much?

Confessions of a working mom

* This is a wordy one full of run-on sentences and random things capitalized lol Bare with me here. I left the filter out for the sake of being real my friends.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after almost three months being home with our three little girls. I took my maternity leave early due to complications and thus had to go back a tad early as well (just a few days before Jasmine turned 11 weeks). I tend to swing between two extreme pendalums internally- the one that says "You are doing this for your kids so they know that they can do ANYTHING they want when they grow up AND also be a mommy. You have more to give your kids because the time you have with them is quality time and not merely quantity" and then the other part of me says "Quit your job! You know you would be a better mom if you just stayed home. We could live in a cardboard box and be happy. You know if you really had a choice, you would be home all the time. What mom would CHOOSE to go to work."

I'm not sure what I was expecting but part of me half way imagined something like this- the girls all bawling in unison and me prying them off of me to head out the door. Feelings of guilt plaguing me all the way there only to get to the office and find I no longer remembered how to do my job. Will I remember how to collect audiometric data again? Or even know how to use my otoscope? These feelings had been building for the weeks leading up to my return and all I wanted was the gray cloud to part and an angel swoop down and tell me I could just stay home forever. And to be honest with myself...I can. I can stay home. I have a choice. Yes life would look differently but it is a choice nonetheless.

The morning was not the nightmare that I envisioned at all. It was smooth. It was uneventful and the girls and myself were all ready before 7am without a glitch or a meltdown from them or me (way earlier then the past few months). They were gracious and our snuggles were more sentamental but there was no work fairy who appeared like a grim reaper and snatched me from my girls. We said our goodbyes and Nevaeh in the most endearing tone explained to Ruby  "It's OK. When you are a mommy you will have to go to work too. And thats OK because they will be your kids and you will always come back." while we all hugged. A part of me was crushed she was the one doing the explaining not to mention that she was telling our 3 year old that she would "HAVE to work" when she was a mommy. I try to explain that mommy helps people hear better- mommies and daddies and grandmas and grandpas. I tried to remember that explanation of why I do what I do but that morning there was no rational nor reason in my heart or mind. I simply got in the car and drove to work. And it did all come flooding back in an instant. Like riding a bike and not even thinking about where you are riding to. Or being too busy with patients to be able to think what my left or right hand was doing but somehow it came to me as natural as nurturing my newborn child. There were no big fireworks or tears...then.

I came home a little resentful that things had gone so smoothly. I packed up the youngest girls after work, headed home, played, and ate dinner, and then we were off to Nev's basketball game all as a fam. Maybe I half way wished that it was such a rough day that I could have said "SEE! I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!! I'm never supposed to work again!!!!!!!!!!" I may or may not have created drama in my heart. It may or may not have built up until the point that when the kids were in bed I cried to my husband and said some things I didn't mean. I may or may not have hurt his heart because I was hurting with my own internal battle. My go to place when I am dealing with something is I can do it on my own....Without Jesus, without my husband or friends. Just me and my girls in my little bunker. To be a hermet and just shelter and love on them forever because BY MYSELF I'm so much better off. Not my proudest moment but my sinful heart reared it's ugly face showing my need for a Savior. And in our flesh we like to hide our sin. So here I am exposing it for all the world to see.

Today was day #2 and I cried all the way to work. Because deep down in my heart I know I am doing the right thing but IF IT"S THE RIGHT THING WHY DOES IT FEEL SO BAD. And there are so many stay-at-home moms that would tell me that I am doing the wrong thing. That I should be at home. That I am missing out. To you I say- my family will always be my first priority. Always. And thank the Lord each day He promises to provide us with what we need even if it may not be what we want. That His grace is sufficient. I hope that I am brave enough to daily ask the scary question "What do you require of me today?" For today- for this season and for this time frame, this is what I am supposed to be doing. It is not the all or nothing that I make it out to be. It is not work OR be a mother. Right now for me it is doing both and as my six year old put it, it is OK.