Wednesday, January 25, 2012

There is a God After All

If you would have told me years ago that I would someday light up like it was christmas morning for a bench for our entryway like I did last night I well- I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have believed you and I probably would have had a few choice words for you. Just keeping it real. You see bungee jumping, backpacking and hitchhiking 170 miles and driving from Alaska to Oregon and staying in hostels (more then I can count) is a far cry from playing twister and hide and seek with the kiddos. Here is the mind blowing thing- NOTHING compares to any adventure that I have ever had then the blessing of raising a family with the hubs. The me back then would have never said a churchy thing like "blessing".

Being raised as a Christian, somewhere along the line, I became convinced that I had been brainwashed. You know like in the movies. Picture someone in a chair, some weird cartoons and indescribable phrases inadvertently signaling their brain and filling it with mindless jargon. Oh yeah and some drool. Don't remember any of those things happening but I was sure that the only reason I was a Christian was because I had been "forced" to love Jesus...well...maybe minus the drool. This perfect person who could never sin and had to always repent and feel guilty was not something I could do (I later found out I had that a little backwards. Maybe a lot backwards). So I decided to not care. I decided to NOT love Jesus. Yep. Walked away. DESPISED religion, the church, and would literally cross off or black out any word that had to do with G O D.  Can you handle that? This isn't about running away from a loving family or stents in rehab. This isn't about being admitted to a children's home at the age of 15 or dropping out of high school. This isn't about the drug use or waking up next to a dumpster after "using".  This is about an entry way bench remember? lol

Seriously though, it's rather wretched to look back and re-visit this dark phase in my life but how else would I be able to see how God swooped me out from the pit and literally saved me (mostly from myself)? He didn't give up on me even when I so wanted Him to and it had nothing to do with what I deserved or didn't deserve. After all, He is in the business of RESTORING and LAVISHING GRACE. Yep. He is that cool.


  1. This makes me excited for our someday book! Oh the stories and brokenness that lead and shape us to beautiful messes of grace.